I’ve no drawback with winners getting issues that losers don’t. Participation medals must be referred to as what they are surely: Door prizes. Thanks for displaying up and giving Billy and Timmy somebody to beat on for an hour or so, now go eat your complimentary Nature Valley bars within the parking zone with the remainder of the youngsters who didn’t prematurely hit puberty.
Nonetheless, winners ought to have the ability to do no matter they need with their hard-earned prizes, and if that’s giving a shedding teammate a slice of cake, so be it. There’s such a factor as a superb winner, however don’t inform that to Nick Saban.
The overlord of Crimson Tide soccer and chief of males has a longstanding coverage for the winners and losers of its spring sport. In case you win, you get a pleasant dinner full with cake for dessert. However in case you lose, all you get is lips, assholes, and an FT of fiber, aka franks and beans. And god forbid a winner exhibits some love and good sportsmanship to a teammate, as a result of Saban will personally see to it that you just both eat your cake or throw it within the rubbish.
Admittedly, I want Saban was extra forceful in denying cake to Malachi Moore and Cam Latu. It’s predictably good natured amongst coaches and gamers of the Tide. Most of my anger is mock outrage, however on the identical time, if I requested you what coach would deploy a tactic that feels like a Logan Roy parenting flashback on Succession, many of the guesses could be “Nick Saban.”
Additionally, the best way to go viral, Nick, is to seize the slice from Dallas Turner after he provides it, spike the multi-layered chocolate dessert on the bottom, and make all three gamers lick the ground clear throughout the down portion of 1,500 push ups.
How do you anticipate to beat Georgia a number of instances subsequent 12 months if everybody has gone tender from good sportsmanship and energy. Nationwide championships aren’t gained with good tidings and campfire tales. They’re achieved via sweat, blood, ruthlessness, and a wholesome worry of failure.
When you have two children, and pit them towards one another in a sport of one-on-one basketball with a Twix bar on the road, shouldn’t you be pleased with their ethical compass if the winner provides the loser one in every of their bars. Not at Alabama, and never underneath Saban.
“Ah, how cute, they’re sharing” is a sentence he’s by no means spoken and even considered. Do not forget that scene in The Darkish Knight when the Joker kills the gang chief who put a bounty on him, breaks a pool stick in half and pronounces to the deceased chief’s leftover goons that he’s holding “tryouts” to earn a spot on his “staff”? That’s how I assume Alabama spring video games went down earlier than they had been televised.
Oklahoma drills to see who has to switch to UAB. Seven-on-sevens for a spot within the dorms that aren’t subsequent to the racist Greek homes. Rosa Klebb sucker punching lineman within the abdomen with brass knuckles to see how properly they deal with ache. (Sure, I went to From Russia with Love for that joke, so my apologies if an almost 60-year-old James Bond reference didn’t land.)
Actually, I’ve extra of an issue with the franks and beans a part of this than depriving somebody of cake. Thanks for throwing within the slice of Marvel bread, however can I simply get the hotdog on a chunk of white bread with the beans on the aspect? Forcing “student-athletes” to eat a meal normally reserved for youngsters who can barely function a fork is fucking demeaning.
And what if I need mustard on my canines? Am I purported to drizzle it on high of a heap of Nathan’s pure casings and Bush’s Greatest like a psycho?
That’s nearly as deranged as forbidding your gamers from sharing within the spoils of victory following a meaningless scrimmage.
